


Lupin's Letters

by bluestbluetoeverblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, Letters, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 17:38:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10791462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestbluetoeverblue/pseuds/bluestbluetoeverblue
Summary: Remus has always found it easier to put his thoughts on paper.





	Lupin's Letters

1 November 1981

Dear James,

Why did you choose him? Why did I? I’m so sorry.

  
  


1 November 1981

Dear Lily,

How can you be gone? I don’t know how to live in this world without you in it. Please—

  
  


14 November 1981

Dear Lily,

I wish you were here to tell me what to do. You and James were always so bossy...I never realized how comforting that was. Everyone is gone, and I’m alone so far away. There aren’t that many of us left, and the world is going back to the way it was before when we were kids. There’s no one to talk to, but writing these letters makes me feel crazier than I already am.

  
  


14 November 1981

Dear Sirius,

I am wondering whether it counts as grief if you are only mourning the person you thought you knew. How could you do this to them? How could you do this to me?

I wish it was you that died.

  
  


10 March 1987

Dear James and Lily,

~~ I can’t find a job. ~~

~~ Full moons feel worse than normal. ~~

~~ I miss the war. ~~

~~ I miss the Order. ~~

I miss you.

  
  


29 August 1993

Dear James,

This letter is a bit overdue because I’ve been avoiding having to admit to how guilty I am. The thing is that I never expected to be able to have children for reasons you already know. Because I couldn’t, I convinced myself that I didn’t want to have children anyways, that I didn’t even like them. How could I raise a child when I didn’t grow up as one? I know I said I didn’t like kids, and I know I wasn’t godfather, but I also know that I loved your son as soon as I saw him, just like I loved you and Lily. I should have come back that night instead of hiding. Dumbledore made it easy for me, but I know now that I shouldn’t have gone away no matter the fear I felt.

In a few days, I’m going to see Harry for the first time in eleven years, and all that I can think is that I can’t believe it has been that long since that day. I’m terrified of what he will think of me and of facing my mistakes. I hope that he will forgive me, like I hope that you will.

I’m sorry, James.

  
  


29 August 1993

Dear Lily,

I’m going home for the first time in years, and I’m absolutely terrified. So much has changed since we roamed those halls. I have changed. I don’t how I’ll manage being there without you.

I don’t know how I’m going to face him, Lily. I don’t know how I could ever face you. How do you admit that you abandoned your best friend’s child?

  
  


1 September 1993

 

Dear Lily,

He has your eyes.

  
  


9 September 1993

Dear Lily,

I don’t know if I can do this. Everywhere I look I am reminded of the past. I go to the library and see you sitting at the corner table, I walk outside and see James running across the pitch, I turn in the Great Hall and am surprised to see Flitwick beside me instead of Peter. It’s amazing that after all these years being back here makes me feel like I’m fifteen again.

It’s the worst when I see him, and I see him everywhere. Racing down the staircases, lying on the grass in the courtyard, walking through Hogsmeade. When students pass notes in class, I catch a glimpse of him and James. It’s hard enough to feel the loss in these walls, Lily.

What makes it harder is seeing Harry every day. He sees me as a professor, nothing more. I should be Moony, not Professor Lupin. I know that it’s my own fault, but I can barely look at him between this and how goddamn much he resembles you two.

 

 

14 November 1993

Dear James,

Harry reminds me so much of you. And it’s not just the hair and the glasses. He has Lily’s smile but your grin. He’s a magnet for trouble and doesn’t know how to listen. He doesn’t give respect unless it is earned, even concerning a professor. Dumbledore was right; he really is a remarkable boy.

  
  


18 May 1993

 

Dear Lily,

I’m worried for Harry, but I promise, I’ll be there for him this time. Nothing is going to stop me from protecting him. No one.

  
  


7 June 1993

Dear Sirius,

I’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Part three of weird is-this-even-technically-a-fic Harry Potter fics. I don't know what this is tbh but I wrote it anyways.
> 
> The dates are what really make the plot.


End file.
